THE FINE PRINT

I meant to post this a very long time ago. I have three drafts on my computer! It was time to stop trying so hard and officialize What This Blog Is All About. Read and enjoy, suckers, I'm off to Paper Moon for nachos!

HOW WE GOT HERE

I was reading a post on Fussy to Winifred on Easter afternoon while she prepared dinner. The resulting discourse convinced me that Winifred’s opinions needs to join the millions of other voices online. But because what Winifred has to say is, you know, valid. Since joining Blogger, Winifred has clammed up under the pressure of an audience (which to our knowledge, is only Charlotte and Emily). We’re currently under a treaty in which I represent Winifred. She’s under pressure though, I have Charlotte on my side, and usually what Charlotte says, goes.

At Winifred's request, all named have been changed to protect those mentioned and uninvolved. If you know who I am/we are, please respect her request. It's all she asks, really, and it's not too much,

The title of this blog goes beyond forcing Winifred to discuss current events and issues with the public. Winifred has a way we, her daughters, think is worth sharing. So until then, I’ll happily share The Good Word of Winifred, Amen.

WHO I AM AND WE ARE

Winifred…is the inspiration and reason for this blogging project. She lives with her husband of 30+ years, outside of Washington, DC. She is an avid reader, passionate voter, and former Midwesterner. Unfortunately, she does not like to talk about passing gas and is deeply offended when I burp. This has not yet strained our relationship. I don’t know how Winifred chose her alias to be “Winifred,” and when questioned, she says she doesn’t either. But it works well for her, and so it will stay.

The King…Is my father. He’s a compassionate man with a strong work ethic. We like him a whole lot. I don’t know why I called him The King; he’s not the kind of man who is the “King of His Domain,” he doesn’t boss people around (in fact, he hates to do that), and he’s never been “King of the House.” In fact, he sometimes calls Winifred “Boss,” which is endearing and a little nauseating. He’s a private man though, and I want it kept that way.

Charlotte…Is the oldest of the three Quimby daughters. We think she’s pretty swell. I think her name is somewhat obvious, no? She’s married to a fella named Fitzwilliam. Obviously that isn’t his real name, either.

Emily…Is the second oldest of the daughters. She got married to some dude and left me. I don’t know what he has that I don’t, but I suspect my unabashed for teen soap driven by angst puts at least one more point in my corner? Actually, we’ll all fond of Emily, even though she left us, and her husband Charmont. Her alias is not a tribute to a European lifestyle, artist, poem, or author, but a name that we know she treasures. It's the name of one of her Cabbage Patch kids. But, hey! It's also one of her favorite poets and a Bronte sister. SCORE!

Captain…I’m a twentysomething soon-to-graduate college student. I live outside of Baltimore, Maryland and I’m very happy here. I like everything but fuzzy lint, warm mayo, and commercials for internet dating. I'm especially fond of sugary treats like cupcakes. I’m considered the publisher/editor for The Gospel. My name is suspiciously similar to my alias here but with slightly more letters. When I was 17 I thought it would be a good idea to work at Hot Topic as a means to spite Winifred. "Ironically," the summer employment resulted in several good things for me as my co-workers proved to be incredibly friendly, loyal, and sweet people as compared to my sinister high school friends. At this store everyone had a special nickname. Mine resulted from one co-worker with subpar hearing misunderstanding our boss, who was a fast speaker. As the store's youngest and least managerial employee the name stuck, as did references to Uncle Walt. Now that my roommate works at American Eagle I am wearing suspiciously less black band tee shirts. Oh, the irony.

Biscuit…Is my roommate. Given that everyone gets to live anonymously, it’s only fair. It’s her favorite food. She’s also buttery and soft. I think it works.

COMMENT POLICY

Until I posted a formal About The Gospel post, I was carefully screening all comments. Thus far, every comment has been published. I’ve done this as my other blogs tend to receive spam (from Argentinean Internet providers). This hasn’t been a problem here, but I’d like to ask that you not spam the The Gospel in the comments, because then I have to log in and delete the comments, and boy, is that a pain in the butt. In order to do that I have to put down my bucket of French fries and I’d rather not. It’s not as if you’d post advertisements in your chapel, would you? Or, at the end of a sermon shout, “THIS SECRET WEAPON WILL GIVE MORE POWER TO YOUR LITTLE SOLDIER!”

Anonymous commenting is fine, too. I think it would be mature and respectful if you signed your name or left some indication of who you are. Emily has a way of commenting on all of my projects without having to sign her name, but most people aren't as proficient as she is.

What I love about the internet, aside from its rampant freedom, is its access to discourse. You’re wholly encouraged to comment, critique, and discuss this blog’s content with the Quimbys and each other. Rejoice!

AND IT WAS GOOD, AMEN.