Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Brew Gate

Winifred sent me this e-mail yesterday. It would have been funnier to post then, when I wasn't in class.

Hello Girls,
I have just received a call from Debbie at the post office inquiring as to the contents of a package I mailed earlier today. Apparently there is a smell emanating from it that is suspiciously beer flavored. How did this happen you might ask? I decided to send Yuengling to my son in law in Oregon. I carefully wrapped 7 bottles individually in bubble wrap, managing to fit 7 bottles plus a bottle of cherry blossom bubble bath into a flat rate box. I was very pleased at this feat as the box weighed 9.7 lbs and would have cost $25.20 to mail at a regular rate. I did this feeling I was in FULL compliance of the law, having been so advised by my other son in law---aka, [Bert]-- that while it is illegal to ship alcohol INTO Maryland, it is NOT illegal to ship alcohol OUT of Maryland. They currently have the unopened package in a bin in the back office and are trying to ascertain whether the contents leaked onto any other packages i n the facility while they await my arrival for pickup. Those packages would include one sent to you [Emily], filled with miscellaneous items--lots of them--and a smaller package to you Captain, containing the elusive purple tank top and Marvelous Market brownies, prepared in this very kitchen. I apologize in advance for any errant smells or tastes in said package. If you do not hear from me by close of business at 5pm, send my attorney and a bail bondsman. While Dad initially said that the P.O. ought not to cavalierly toss packages about so as to preclude breakage, he is at heart, a Catholic school boy and is opposed to breaking the law for any reason. He is rinsing his hands of this operation and has gone off to work. He did stop to point out that my attorney is several states away and not licensed in Maryland. I have high hopes for my local attorney, [name of family friend omitted].
Love, MOM